Lenny Dace, Agent to the Gods

5_2Yo babs, the Lenny Dace here. Howzit? Sweet. |Listen, I’ve got Krishna interested in that east-west crossover thing that Yahweh’s developing with that trickster Sun-Wukong. What’s not to love? Bananas, elephants, beards, deserts, jungles, slings and arrows! C’mon, it’ll be bank–as in, box office super bank! Yeah, yeah, I know, just get into it. I’ve also got Shango available right now. Uh huh. Uh huh. Exactly, he’s itching to work with Old Man Coyote. I know they haven’t finished casting that Wily Cheaty Sneaky Pesky Trickster Man of the Old West project yet, so whatdyuh say? Uh huh. Uh huh. Gotcha. Great. And you? Morrigan? Okay, okay–no, I’m just thinkin’ here. Get her together with Cronus. I’m serious! Listen, picture it, the Castrator side-by-side with the megalithic military Mother Goddess herself?! It’s gold, baby, gold! Right, right, get back to me. How ’bout Hathor? I know, she had that thing with the thing but it’s old news. Under the bridge. Honest, it went under the goddamn bridge and floated the fuck on outta here. Nah, nah, listen–it’s over, it’s done. So? Makunaima, huh? I’m listening. Get ’em down in the jungle. Steamy sex, big snakes, human sacrifices–I like it! Let’s do a deal. Anything else? What’s that? Are you–you can’t be–how the hell are you supposed to do A Seven Gods of Good Fortune picture without Ebisu? What do you–HE’S THE GODDAMN GOD OF GODDAMN FISHING! He’s essential. Okay, wait, let me just–right, lamp this, I’ve got Moschel available, we slot him in. You don’t what? He’s the fucking Baltic God of Dairy ferchrissakes, we just get those eggheaded buttwipes to work in some kind of lucky yogurt angle. You got any better idea? Exactly, don’t worry, it’ll fly, I guarantee it. One last thing, I’m looking to set up Erzulie-Mapiengueh. I’m thinking a taught courtroom thriller something along the lines of The Verdict meets Saw. Maybe get Ereshkigal, go dark, real dark. Yeah, well, let me know. Okay, yeah, sure, lunch sounds good. I’ll be in touch.

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