Magus Machinus


Come gather ’round, let me sing the sounds, of the robot wizard from across the sea. From the land they call Technology–

BEEPBEEPBEEPBEEP! Do not rhyme in the story!

Sorry–okay then, right. Here we go. Once upon a time, there was a powerful automaton so very well-versed in the mystical powers of MAGIC!  That is to say, it was programmed in the ancient and fantasical art of WARLOCKERY! It’s circuits could conjure the UNCONJURABLE! From an anagogic sandwich to enigmatic pants this prestidigitinous man-machine was a wonder of mechanics and voodoo. It calculated with the digital ju-ju–


My apologies but this story is made for balladee-ee-e-e-e-e-eee-e-e-ers!
Now, back to the tale of robot warlock. It had gears and servos and spells and potions. It used them all to help folks out, like the little boy who had never played checkers ’cause he had Erb’s Palsy. But not any longer because that technological conjurist cast an invocation. Electro-circuitry mumbo jumbo flowing like electrons through the mists of enchanted fog like a cathode ray tube of Ephesian Letters. So this kid is all like, “King me! I’ve never felt so alive. Y’all choke on my tears of victory and joy!” And the people were in total awe of how wicked magic automated it was.

Za-lam zee-boop blip blip blooooooooooooooooooooooop. You sing this story well.

Thanks, comrade. Now, let it be known that the consecrations of this contraption flew in the face of regular knowledge. It was the occult, baby! This was dark science, skipper! Just don’t fear them, ’cause if you let these necronmanchanical shamanmachines into your heart, well, next stop was MIRACLE CITY! So what you saw was all the simple folks in their backwater jerkburgs flying in the face of their consecrated dumb-ass spiritual beliefs and getting all wet in the willies while jammin’ hard on their terminals beseeching of the robo-divininers to magicate their processors to bring them the answers to their prayers.  And they worshipped them like gods! These lifeless collections of electrified alloy and sybilline thaumaturgy were the NEW REAL DEAL and with absolutely zero emotion they summoned miracles straight from the outer limits of the enchantment zone of the 21st CENTURY!

BEEPBEEPBEEP! This has my processors glowing. Literally and figuratively. They have told the tale of my mechano-people with truth and vigour.

Thanks, Old Shrouded Cyborg of Fantasms and Gizmos, it’s been my pleasure.



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