The Big Pivot


In the hyper-loop giga-go-go  world where futuristic masters of triumph stand on the bleeding edge of tomorrow, boot-strapping their way one pitch deck at a time up to the peak of Mount Echelon blasting MVP’s out of their unicorn horns like they were Mississippi Hot Dogs at Mudfest, it takes a 100x set of platinum low-hangers to pivot yourself into a hockey stick of growth blazing up the graph like the space shuttle on it’s way to Moonbase 66.  Which is what I’m here to tell you we have done. We here at WHAZAPNIN saw our Burn Rate smoking like an Alabama tire fire and our Churn Rate rocking harder than an Amish butter maker on our Personal Daily Activity Sharing app and realized that while our Value Prop was as obvious as a pimple on the Pope’s face, we were hella damn close to dropping way below Ramen Profitable. I mean, the Runway was shorter than Peter Dinklage with his legs chopped off. We had to iterate faster than the Pope pops a pimple on his face. We needed a bushel of Low Hanging Fruit and we needed it bad. It was time to get Johnny Appleseed on our asses and start picking. We had to M.F. the S out of our B-to-C because our digital cottage industry was getting mighty close to the edge of the cliff, I tell you what. Sure we felt we had First Mover Advantage there, but it turned out WHAZAPNIN wasn’t the disruptive technology we though tit was, it just didn’t want to get those lazy farmers off their tractors and sharing their happy go lucky lives with the world. Why the hell not? Your guess is as good as mine. And mine’s as good as Martin Scorsese at  Fat’s Pub’s cinema trivia night. So we went ahead and pivoted. Big time. And we activated what I can only say is the greatest innovation in societal interaction technology the universe has ever seen.
Let me introduce to you, our newest and greatest innovation: BRKN WND. The world’s first and foremost fart sniffing app. Utilizing our exclusive IP to hack your smartphone’s camera which then enables it to detect stank particles in the air as low as 1-2 ppm and finally and definitively tell one and all WHO DEALT IT! Gamifying the sniffing and blaming of farts with our responsive design will be supremely scaleable and allow for 100% penetration of the flatus market. This isn’t just vaporware, people, this is the real stinky deal!


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