Lazer Guy looking for love.


Hi ladies, my name is Lazer Guy and I’m looking for a lady who is interested in a guy who is made out of lazers. I have a tight beam body and I can go from zero to the speed of light in a very fast time. I have pin point accuracy, but I can spread myself out and do all sorts of intricate movements. And I can very easily touch the sky and beyond because I am a lazer guy. I’m interested in a lady who is not necessarily a lazer herself but who wouldn’t be turned off by a lazer guy like me. I also like movies and dining out and travel. I am interested in a woman who may be interested in the same things. Like travel. Do you enjoy travelling? Because I do, so why don’t we connect. Because I am a lazer guy I can travel very quickly and accurately between places. Just point me and beam me and I travel there very fast at the speed of light and if you are interested in a guy who can do that why don’t we get together and see what happens? Perhaps we could meet for dinner and get to know each other? My favourite food is Italian. Specifically linguini. Mmm. So good. The noodles remind me of lazers which is what I am made from. You could say I’m a lazer noodle guy. Haha. I also love comedy and to laugh. I’m interested in a lady who loves to laugh. My favourite type of comedy is jokes. Specifically ones about lazers. My favourite joke is why did the lazer cross the road? Because he was pointed in that direction and then energized! Haha. Get it? Because lazers are concentrated beams of light and when aimed and energized they beam out in that specific direction. I also, love movies. My favourite movie is “Runaway” starring Tom Selleck. It features some amazing special effects and is definitely Tom Selleck’s best acting performance. Where was his Oscar? Was he robbed? I think so better call the police station and report it. Haha. I’m ¬†interested in a lady who would be interested in enjoying movies like this one. Because I am a alazer guy I can very accurately point out different things on the screen with the accuracy of a lazer. If this is something you as a lady would be interested in perhaps we could get together and watch the movie? It’s so good. Because I am a lazer guy I really identify with this movie because there are lazers in it. I’m not sure if they are lazer guy lazers or just regular lazers but I still enjoying seeing a good lazer scene in a movie. I am interested in a lady who would be interested in seeing a movie that has a good lazer scene in it like in the movie “Runaway” or even just a normal-style movie like “Laser Mission“. I hope to hear from you.

All Hail the Hoi Polloi!


Most gentle dirtbags, unite thee with those myriad other pieces of shit that grease the gutters of this fair world. Stinking up the place with their foul and noxious windy thoughts, their dumb ideas and sweet, sweet ignorance.
Take the soiled masses in your filthy arms and hold them tightly to you, warming their stupid brows with sullied kisses and your bad breath.
They are you, sleazewad, and you are they.
One and all.
Sick and disgusting and as stupid as a stripped screw.
Open the pigpen you call a heart and let in the dung-like love of all the other skidwipes and turdchews that are stinking up the place.
Bathe and be bathed in the undivided and unanimous adulation of the countless scores of downtrodden chunks of living manure that defile the universe and make it that much tougher to simply get around.
Rejoice, oh tender greaseball, and be merry and all that corny jazz, coadunating with all the other dipsticks like a toxic swamp full of love and filth and blighted vermin.
Hands held high, hearts joined, buttholes puckered, raise high the roof beam of the universe and shoot the sloppy moon and bask in the eternal glow of stupid stinkery that we all are.