The Maculate Conception (or them Holy Soiled Drawers)

“Jesus doesn’t wear unders, baby, he preaches au naturel.”

“You’re not going up to the top of that hill in just a robe and your junk. It’s uncivilized.”

“Say who? The Romans? Man, they go gladiator more often than freakin’ gladiators. C’mon Mary, don’t be such a square. Besides I’ll be wearing sanders, too.”

“That’s exactly why I want you to put something on over that dirty dong of yours, the stupid, bastard Romans and their cosmopolitan ways be dammed. You’re a man of the people, who ought to aim to be respected. So act that way. And I could go on about them dirty ass feet. Sweet Noah’s ghost, they nasty.”

“I came into the world as God made me, baby. I intend to go out into it that way.”

“Yeah, and if your ass gets run over by a chariot and all we’re left to remember you by is leather sandals and wrinkled balls.”

“Mother Moses, that’s a little dark ain’t it? C’mon, we rock the sermon today, tomorrow I head out to the desert for a little R and R. When I get back we just keep gigging. Keep the fever pitched, you dig? Maybe make some history.”

“I dig I dig, and I’m sorry to be so snooty but I just know you’re capable of great things. I don’t want you to do anything that’ll sabotage that. Going gladiator included.”

“Anyone else but you and I ain’t covering this nutsack for nothing.”

“Aww you’re sweet. And a bullshitter, I get Simon Peter in here making fun of your bare-knuckle low-hangers and you’d be begging me to wash and hammer dry you a fresh pair of undies.”

“Simon Peter can lick my left one.”

“Who’s saying he hasn’t?”

“Wha—who you been talking to?”

“I’m prayed to God to keep me appraised of your, ah hem, apostling.”

“Damn my Dad, I told him to leave me alone.”

“Don’t get upset. I don’t give a shit. In fact, I think it’s pretty hot.”

“You do, huh?”

“Yup. And I’ll prove it to you after the sermon. So will you please reconsider the underwear.”

“Okay, hand me those there will ya?”

“Jesus Christ, these are disgusting. It’s just like Jeremiah said quoting your dad, ‘although you wash yourself with lye and use much soap, the stain of your iniquity is before Me’.”

“You want me to wear ‘em or not.”

“I just pray your Mother doesn’t decide to come see the show.”

“I’ve got a real good feeling about this one.”

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