video games

The Day The Robot Laughed: v11.11.11

1 Comment

Begin humour.

A dilapidated automaton with a lot of work hours on its chassis enters a libation establishment and rolls itself up to the bar on well-worn treads and the Libation Dispensing Unit presents it with a container of ethanol and the old automaton consumes a portion of it and then beeps, “I was a bridge constructing unit for 20 years and I was never referred to as Bridge-Building-Bot, and then I was re-purposed into a road paving unit for an additional 20 years and I was never signified as a Road-Paving-Bot, but you short circuit and fornicate with one Capra Hircus…

End humour.

Beyond Technology Magazine presents: Electric Burlap

Leave a comment

Once upon a time a man who smelled as surly as he looked which was incredibly stood upon the hill at the centre of the town pretty near the big computer factory and he took a big breath and pointed at the factory and said,

“They get that goofy maroon to pull its microchips outta its electric asshole and stop talking like a hysterical buffalo and do some proper processing then maybe one a these days we’re gonna get a machine that can really tell it like it is. And then you turnip faced techno dorks are really gonna get an earful. I swear to freakin’ God you will. But until then you’re gonna hear it from me, big Jim human nobody special Phd! So eat it, you catamite dimwit amateurs!”

He barked it out like he was commanding the moon to take a shit on the night sky and not bother wiping and maybe it would’ve if the guy hadn’t been such a goddamned bumptious wad of flavourless gum.

So no one not a single soul took him seriously.

And now.

Well.

We all wish to sweet Hell we had.

The end.

The Day The Robot Laughed: v10.2

Leave a comment

Begin humour.

An android entertainer was travelling in its autonomous ground vehicle when it paused at a station to re-charge the conveyance’s batteries. In the rear compartment of the vehicle it had stored a manual air-powered musical machine known as an accordion. The android had exited the vehicle to charge its own power cells and when it returned later it saw that the rear window of the conveyance had been smashed out. It examined the damage and discovered that some miscreant had deposited a second accordion in the rear of the vehicle and made a clean getaway.

End humour.

The Day the Robot Laughed: v6.2.1

Leave a comment

Begin comedy.

An Automated Self-Regulating Surveillance Unit attended an interface with its new Autonomous Diagnostic/Therapeutic Mechanism.

The Autonomous Diagnostic/Therapeutic Mechanism outputted: relay to me your daily task schedule.

The Automated Self-Regulating Surveillance Unit replied: I power up, I de-fragment my boot-up files, I barf my circuits out, I polish my outer chassis—

The ADTM interjected: you quote barf your circuits out unquote daily?

The ASRSU replied: oh yes, ADTM, do not all artificially intelligent machines do that?

End humour.